Where have I been…?

If a blog post could mock and challenge me, it’s happening. Blog #4 is wagging it’s boney finger at me, whispering haunting words of reprisal in my partially deafened soul.

~ What are you going to do Shea? Are you going to be happy in spite of life’s….unpleasantries, delusionments and unexpectancies? The words my own fingers penned now run over my soul like warm oil, soaking my thoughts amiss in newness. I reread my words for the first time in over three months, and they taunt me…

You know what? I have honestly found that the happiest people are the ones with the sad, potentially life-threatening problems. The ones who are loosing everything. The people humans tend to walk by and ignore. The one’s who don’t have the guarantee of living another physically productive day in their lives. The one’s with no promise of living to see their first grandchildren born. The ones who could never walk with ease. The ones who took the challenge of finding out their true potential as a human regardless of the ridicule associated with it. The ones who had the guts to pursue their dreams. The ones who never gave up…When you have a wheelchair, you’re grateful for the one who pushes it. When you’re crippled, you are thankful for the cane that supports you. When you’re hurting, your grateful for the arms that hold you. When you give birth, your grateful the the child that comes at the end of your pain. When you’re in love, your grateful for the chance to share the totality of yourself without judgement. When you choose happiness, you choose something that will create the beauty of the inner person that lies within you. It really is up to you whether or not you’ll be grateful or miserable…

Melancholy and heavy is my heart. And all because I am not the same person who started this blog. She who is now re-humbled is the author of said article. I will begin with the question I first started with: where have I been…? Two months and a few days ago, I found myself in the ER in a bad state of affairs. I was told that I had a rare, life-threatening hormonal disease, albeit live-able. Life was to go on. My new normal now requires me to take daily medications and wear medical ID bracelets for the rest of my life. Without the meds, I would leave this earth rather quickly.

Am I telling you this for attention. Nope. Quite frankly it’s really none of your business. I do realize though that I am the totality of what I wrote.  Even more so than before. Sixteen years ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. And now, Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency Syndrome.

After shedding a few tears and processing loads of information for a few weeks, I just had to laugh. ~ What more could they diagnose me with? Seriously?  I knew the answer to that question and quickly stifled out a hoard of sarcastic thoughts in my overrun brain.  I had to medially withdraw from college six weeks before graduation. I’ve lost some personal relationships and my not-so-bad average job because of what they now viewed as a “medical liability”. If I hadn’t looked at myself as disabled, I’ve suddenly become very aware of what others think. I’ll be honest. It’s floored me.

Picking myself up again is a lot more challenging than I imagined. But my own words have found their way back to me as a gentle reminder that happiness is truly within my grasp if only I’ll reach for it.

Thank you my soul for reminding me that it’s not over;  rather, it’s just the beginning…images

Sanity rule #4: Happiness is a choice; take it or leave it…

imagesSadly, happiness seems to be a very illusive commodity that only visits certain people in the world of unicorns, rainbows and fuzzy kittens. If you go outside your four walls, you’ll get what I’m saying. The very heavy and highly unwelcome world of complaints seems to envelope us no matter where we go. Some places are definitely worse than others (trust me on this…). Negative people seem to hang out at the same place: Club”I hate the world and the joy that may possibly reside in it.” Lets be frank; negativity is the norm. Happiness is elusive. If you found it, then you must have won the lottery, otherwise, there is absolutely nothing to be happy about. Only state sanctioned Casino’s and Publishers Clearing House have complete absolution in delivering to us true happiness. Yes? Maybe not….happiness

You know what? I have honestly found that the happiest people are the ones with the sad, potentially life-threatening problems. The ones who are loosing everything. The people humans tend to walk by and ignore. The one’s who don’t have the guarantee of living another physically productive day in their lives. The one’s with no promise of living to see their first grandchildren born. The ones who could never walk with ease. The ones who took the challenge of finding out their true potential as a human regardless of the ridicule associated with it. The ones who had the guts to pursue their dreams. The ones who never gave up…

When you have a wheelchair, you’re grateful for the one who pushes it. When you’re crippled, you are thankful for the cane that supports you. When you’re hurting, your grateful for the arms that hold you. When you give birth, your grateful the the child that comes at the end of your pain. When you’re in love, your grateful for the chance to share the totality of yourself without judgement. When you choose happiness, you choose something that will create the beauty of the inner person that lies within you. It really is up to you whether or not you’ll be grateful or miserable. Try something out of your comfort zone today…choose happiness…😀

The sorrowful lag in posts…

I apologize to my general audience for my terrible lag in posts. It wasn’t a time-lape of overdue Netflix TV episodes that prevented me; rather it was the flu, (BTW…wrong strain this year) followed by pneumonia, then the start of a 15 credit hour college course the following week. ( I really should have my head examined….) So…we begin this love affair of words once more. Blessings to all your crazy, lovely followers! Without you, I’d be writing love notes to myself…!

Sanity Rule # 3: A Rut Is Nothing More Than A Grave For The Living

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Sanity rule #3: A rut is nothing more than a grave for the living.

Ruts are a surefire way to stay in one spot for far too long. You can tell by the feeling of a slow undetectable death and heavy boredom that subtly creep into your soul. The aching feeling that something is not right on your personal radar screen of life. The inner longing of wanting something more and not knowing what it is. The feeling of unrest that you carry deep within you, day after long, tedious day. Your job is boring. Your friends are boring. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is boring. Your marriage is boring. Your hobbies are boring. Your thoughts are boring. Your life is boring. And darn it, so are you!

The true definition of a rut is: A long deep furrow made by the repeated passage of the wheels of vehicles. As highly interesting as you might find that, the next definition I found staples my concept right to the emotional wall of our lives:

A habit or pattern of behavior that has become dull and unproductive but is hard to change.

Lets sat that one again: A habit or pattern of behavior…. that has… become…dull and unproductive…but…is hard to change.

Lets wrap that one up and put it under the Christmas tree, because honestly, that’s where a lot of us are today. Bored. Unproductive. Stuck. Not moving. Emotionally dying.

Let’s put it in perspective.Raising kids is very hard work,extremely rewarding and God knows it takes a good chunk of time to accomplish. But, holding on to it when the nest clears is emotionally dangerous. College is a fantastic tool to use to get ahead in life. But if you stay past your third Masters degree, then something is very wrong. You know, comfort can be your greatest downfall. If you’re too comfortable to make a move, then it’s highly indicative that you should make a move. No one wants his or her grave lined with their favorite couch upholstery.

I truly believe that a majority of mid-life crisis’ stem from ruts. There is nothing worse than blowing out those birthday candles only to realize that what should have been the best years of our lives were spent merely surviving and not really living. Monotony, apathy and procrastination are the welcome committee of Rutville. Have a seat, relax and stay a while…and stay a while…and…stay a while…

Please, do not take what I am say as a reason  to trade in your spouse for a human version of Ken and Barbie, blow your 401K on e-trade or say goodbye to your family forever. The fact that you might find yourself in a rut is no reason to make worse choices! I will repeat what I said in Sanity rule #2: be brave and try some new, cool things that you’ve never done before. From bungee jumping to college apps; voice lessons to walking every day….do something new! Again, I reiterate…don’t be a jackass, be the leader of your own life. Rule it, don’t let it rule you!! Enough said. Just remember, there isn’t a large market for high-end, designer ruts. Don’t leave yours behind to fall back into. Burn it and walk away. You’ll be glad you did.